apparently the secret to your success is patron
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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