he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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