i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
