:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
