how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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