The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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