He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
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that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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