That's when you crack a 10am beer
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
