Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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