Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
