dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
