My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
