You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
