I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ttyl tear gas
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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