I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
