He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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