You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I love having hate sex.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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