id be glad to
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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