she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
