she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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