I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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