She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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