Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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