Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
