i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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