ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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