Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My dick has a subreddit
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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