thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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