what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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