FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
