apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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