i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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