I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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