I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
