but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Someone came in the potted fern
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
