It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
