after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize