Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
