you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
