areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
