I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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