My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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