Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
