Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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