I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
