but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
