I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
