You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
