I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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