I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
