oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
