i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
