Lets date for the summer
Dont love me in September.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Can you repeat that, but with context?