i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
