it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?