My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
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Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
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Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far