Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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