theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have poison ivy on my dick
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again