From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he fucked my hip out of place.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.