I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.