TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"