READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
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