Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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