You're completely useless in the revolution.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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