Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
