everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
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Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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