Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
