her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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