Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
