If that was your dad, he is hot
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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