I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
