I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
