cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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