DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
