The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize