I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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