Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
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So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
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I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize